Today is prom, and i was so happy when i woke up, but my parents had a fight last nite and that got
me all sad again. They are not talking to each other rite now, and the house is a bit too quiet..
i just went over to sarah's house to do nails, so it's really hard for me to type rite now.. i am
gonna cut them as soon as prom is over.. not used to long nails... sign.. my mom just can't stop worrying
and that got the whole family sad.. i guess it is understandable... but i just pray that God will
carry us thru... my parents never had ups or downs in the past except my dad moving to the states and left
us in China for a while... but this yr has been a test of faith.. kinda like what M.L.K. jr said about
u gotta know ur religion for real, ur God for real. This is the time of testing where, true light come
shining thru.. really want to play my guitar, but my nails are too long.
i guess moving to rez at UT is not gonna work polly...but somehow God, I am still cheerful deep down
inside, i guess God wants to use me to bring back joy in the family...lol not sure if U are choosing the
rite person.. but sure.. i will do my best

CC was soo amazing... just to see so many uni ppl worshipping God w/ their hearts and souls.. lol
and i thought i was hardcore about God.. wow... totally changed my perspective about going to uni,
cuz i am not going their just to survive, i am going there to be a shining light.. need more reflection time to
read over CC stuff later.. but nails are sooo lonngggg... arrrrghhhhh

okie.. prom is coming up.. like hmmm yah.... lol.. remembered in gr.11 i was so excited about prom, but
when it comes.. actually prom is TODAY! yeah.. it is... so many other things on my mind... but i will
have a good time there! i wasn't planning to go w/ anyone, if jon didn't ask me. hehe,.. yah it will be fun
cuz he's always so happy =D also God be w/ me okie?

The healing at the Pool

whao.. so many changes in the past week. just got the job at jacob, then can't go to STMission trip. After the interview was over, the first thought came to my mind was "Why? God.. Why can't i go?"
then a passage from John came to mind: The healing at the Pool, i am not too sure if this is theologically accurate. The disabled man wanted healing and he placed his trust in the water (object), instead of Jesus (God). Somehow, i came to believe that only through STMission can I serve God wholeheartedly. But the important thing is not where I serve, but who i serve =D
I am gonna put that one done, and say "Let Your Will be done" even though i don't understand but " Your way are higher than mine!"

my parents are always worrying about money and it's just so much pressure altogether at the dinner table. I am surprised to say that i've grown up now. After all the troubles i went through last semester, I am learning to see everything in light of eternity. Whatever calamity, there is always the hope to smile. "i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation." haha God, I just remembered the worse day i've ever had ... bad marks... exams coming up and then i sat on gum in calc class ( did't like that class). I had go to washroom to wash it off, and was late for class. got detention. All the more reason to have a good cry, but i just laughed... donno y but i just laughed by myself, thought it was interesting and fun to have detention for the first time. The laugh was a realization of how close i've always been to joy and contentment, but i always chose instead to stay worried and sad. It was enlightening to know how easy i can be happy in the midst of supposed trials. You are right about freewill, cuz i've always had the choice to laugh or cry, to worship or worry. How far i've gone from you by worrying and stressing, i donno i only know that "the peace of God will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus" I think that was the turning point where i slowly got myself out of the ditch or belly of the whale so to speak. I pray that your grace and strength will carry me through next year, just like u've always done. And through every fall, i always end up staying on higher ground. And for all the blessings and TRIALS, i praise you forever!

in all things

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

I look inward God this time, i am really reflecting upon this mission trip decision. I've always been so selfish, so self-centered. But this time i look inside, and i know that i am not going to the ST mission trip for myself, it's all for U, God. but my parents still think that i am too spoiled,and the mission trip will add a burden to them, and that i am just too selfish to realize that.

I don't wanna see what queen's looks like, i don't wanna see how beautiful it is.. how serene the town is.. b/c i know that it is too expensive. I chose u of t instead, although i don't like downtown,
but it would be much easier on my parents. God, this sinner is looking inside, and although i would love to please my parents, and to wipe away the wrinkles on ur foreheads, but i know that it is Ur will for me to go to this mission trip. enough said: It's all for You.
God, U placed these trials in front of me, so that i can truly reflect upon the reason that I am going. Without my parent's disagreement, I can only know the reason for ST mission as a head knowledge, but when obstacle comes, I had to look inward and come to the end of myself and realize that these obstacles are only placed in my life to reflect Ur glory, Ur perfect Will.
Pray that you would lift the burdens on my parents' shoulder. Pray that Your Will be done.
I come to understand that in many ways pains and problems are just another way of reflecting Your unfailing love. Without them, I am prolly still worshiping myself, or marks, or many other things
that i placed above U.
Thank You =)

just did my physics contest.. so bad.. man... i couldn't do half of the questions.. blah .. whatever it's over anywayz.. and yeah.. i am so in the habit of igoring ppl rite now.. which is really bad.. especially at school, cuz at church u are in the mood to talk, but school just seems so... blah. and i really want to go to the mission trip, but my mom makes me feel as if i did go, that will hurt everyone in the family, cuz my dad is under a lota finanical pressure... i really don't feel the support here.... i think i understood y God didn't let me go last yr for many reasons and i also forgave my parents for not letting me, but i don't think i can never forget about it tho
yeah.. i am just in one of those sulking mood rite now.. and i don't feel like getting out of it.. even tho the bible says to rejoicie.. but .... just pissed .. donno y.. but pissed

God, I am really thinking of going on this mission trip. but first " Create in me a pure heart, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." I want to serve with a pure heart, a heart that yearns for your glory to fall. My parents are not very supportive as always, and last yr's short term mission came back to mind again.. and some how i have the tendency to rebel... sometimes i am just so tired of them telling what to do all the time.. y can't they trust me? maybe like all the parents.. they can't help but worry.. and they are not use to the idea of me turning 18.. acutally same here!
listening to switchfoot, i really should got their CD soon "learning to breathe"
Hello, good morning, how do u do?
What makes you rise a sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too, all of my regrets are nothing new.
Psalm 51
"surely i was sinful at birth...
"you do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
i want to be the younger son, i want to drink from your well, cuz i know that i am dry up inside.. and i need your living water
show me ur way, and i give up myself so that u can use me... Mother Teresa said "she is only a pen of God, what she can write, only God knows"