The healing at the Pool

whao.. so many changes in the past week. just got the job at jacob, then can't go to STMission trip. After the interview was over, the first thought came to my mind was "Why? God.. Why can't i go?"
then a passage from John came to mind: The healing at the Pool, i am not too sure if this is theologically accurate. The disabled man wanted healing and he placed his trust in the water (object), instead of Jesus (God). Somehow, i came to believe that only through STMission can I serve God wholeheartedly. But the important thing is not where I serve, but who i serve =D
I am gonna put that one done, and say "Let Your Will be done" even though i don't understand but " Your way are higher than mine!"

my parents are always worrying about money and it's just so much pressure altogether at the dinner table. I am surprised to say that i've grown up now. After all the troubles i went through last semester, I am learning to see everything in light of eternity. Whatever calamity, there is always the hope to smile. "i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation." haha God, I just remembered the worse day i've ever had ... bad marks... exams coming up and then i sat on gum in calc class ( did't like that class). I had go to washroom to wash it off, and was late for class. got detention. All the more reason to have a good cry, but i just laughed... donno y but i just laughed by myself, thought it was interesting and fun to have detention for the first time. The laugh was a realization of how close i've always been to joy and contentment, but i always chose instead to stay worried and sad. It was enlightening to know how easy i can be happy in the midst of supposed trials. You are right about freewill, cuz i've always had the choice to laugh or cry, to worship or worry. How far i've gone from you by worrying and stressing, i donno i only know that "the peace of God will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus" I think that was the turning point where i slowly got myself out of the ditch or belly of the whale so to speak. I pray that your grace and strength will carry me through next year, just like u've always done. And through every fall, i always end up staying on higher ground. And for all the blessings and TRIALS, i praise you forever!