got accepted into most of the unis now.... now it's the deciding moment...
last summer retreat, during quiet time with God, i prayed that U would give me strength to go through last yr of HS.... it was a hard yr for sure God, yet U answered my prayer
so once again.. i know this time, the trial is harder if my parents are not around to help me, but i know U will be there for me.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. " - James 1:2-4
it's funny how one week, u made 3 ppl tell me to read that passage! the exact same passage! amazing! here it is again God, give me strength and wisdom, so that I can honour You. Just like what they said in TC, i am not going to uni just to survive. I am going there for a purpose, to glorify Your name. What is a better way to do that than facing trials and still rejoice (not sure if can do that, but God i know u will help me)
If I am not wrong then the blogs during Sept-Jan will be depressing, stressed out... and hopefully also a test of faith in You God.
Once again the question will you be there? i am sure U will =D cuz U are forever faithful, God!

hey God, i got an interview later at 11.. but i wanna be at church... anywayz.. come back to you again... finding the peace of mind... i find consistency boring.. but changes scary. A part-time job during school isn't the biggest change in my life, but still hate to be uncertain of things...cuz cuz i like to be control of my life... not realizing that You are God. If i just let you be God, and stop struggling unrestlessly then my life can be so much easier...

There are times when i want to cry until my tears run dry... there are times when i want to bow down at your feet and be there forever... there are times when i want to be in the corner of the room and let the darkness and stillness surround me... there are times when i want to touch your nail pierced hands. And this is one of those times. I can't write elegant words, but these words are from my heart:

There is...
There is a longing only You can fill,
There is a wound only You can heal.
There is a tear only You can wipe away,
There is a heart that yearns for Your love.

God! If I ascent up to the heavens,
Would You be there?
If I make my bed in the depths,
Would I find You there?
If I dwell in the far side of the sea,
Would Your right hand hold me?
If darkness covers me,
Would You shine Your light?

Let me work for you in the vineyard,
Let me be your seed among the weeds.
Let me bow down and wash Your feet,
Let me come to Your son's wedding banquet.

"The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway

The ice is thin enough for walkin'
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin'
The world is crumbing' but I know why

The strom is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body is frail enough for fighting
I'm home enough to know i'm lost

Faith is just enough to be strong in the broken places

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I'm blind

(i am gonna add another stanza to it)
Wound is deep enough to heal
Heart is broken enough to love
Eyes are dry enough to start crying
I'm lost enough to finally find home

Faith is just enough to be strong in the broken places

God, i have been negleting you for while... this field trip is good.. got some free time on the bus to ponder Your love. the sky is soo beautiful outside! =D
this is one of those times that i want to praise you, God but just can't find the rite words. I guess i have been opening up old wounds, but that is just so selfish and pathetic. The blessings far outweigh the sorrows. Here i am in awe of you. Let my words be few. Gonna lift up some ppls' names in to your hands:

val... i know she has been struggling for a very long time.. at school and also she's not sure about her faith in YOu. God, restore hope in her.. and help her through just like u did with me.

I also wanna pray for tiff... i know that God, you love her... hope she will know that too... but she has to give up a lot things dear to her to have all of you, God.... give her the courage.... whatever your plan is, God... watch over her... and help me to reflect your glory.. so she can come back to you.

Also, grace and shuang... they are struggling in u of t.. it's a tough world out there.. espeically girls as enginerds lol.. i just wanna pray that they will come to know you more through the hard times... and trust you even more than b4.

edith... you've been using her in so many ways... keep her strong.. and protect her... wipe away the tears in her heart.. so she can be happy inside and outside

kenny... it's just soo amazing to see the transformation in him, God... you work wonders.. he was such a punk kid b4 lol... strengthen him.. so he can lead the fellowship next year...

yeah the fellowship... we really need guidance God.. from above, we are weak.. and we make mistakes.. but I know that U are among us.. and U want to use us to work wonders.. so i give the rest of the year into your hands.. and as well as the future... May we glorify Your name!

i gotta stop typing cuz val came over to my house to ask for my help in calc, i forgot everything!! =D but yeah.. she's got a crazy nite ahead of her.. leadership meeting at church, calc test and english oral essay... that girl is soo clueless about the oral essay lol

yeah... i also wanna pray for jon.. and guelph fellowship.. i am sure u've got a plan for them.. just pray that they will be united under ur name ..and reflect your glory at campus
i can really see Ur reflection in jon's life.. so i pray that u will equip him for future battles.

5 yrs ago on April 9, i came to Canada... and it has been an eventful 5 yrs... i am not the lil sick girl who got off the plane.. mostly cuz u are in my life.. and made it full.. also my family has been so blessed by you... now my dad is smoking again!! arrrrrghhhhh.... gosh i can't stand it!!!! i know that he's facing a lot of pressure, so help our family to trust in you and praise in your name especially during hard times

i just want to pray for all the ppl in China.. most of them don't know ur name.. but i know that they thirst for Your love... i know that there are wounds need to be healed.. broken hearts need to be comforted.. and only You understand

good friday is coming.... Jesus, thank you sooo much for the Cross... thank you for enduring all that pain... thank you for forgiving us..

i wonder sometimes.. God what did u have in mind when u created in heaven and earth at the beginning of time? a world turned astray? or few repentful hearts that thirst for your love? to reflect ur glory in ur creation? I wil find out one day.. and on tha day.. i will prolly be too happy to even care about these questions =D

arrghhhh..i have this worry headache rite now!!!! man...decisions and decisions! last nite, typed up all the tuitions for different unis, and queen is expensive man ( the rez)! what is wrong with them! anywayz... i donno... prolly end up in downtown u of t (no u of t ppl around! good!) mac? waterloo? guelph? queens? u of t?..... donno yet
and another decision to make is job: i can get a job from dominion rite now.. but i really don't want to go back to old place, the managers are scary... i donno... just don't really like working there... i guess i always hate place that i worked b4.. and i stop going there.. hahha true for wonderland, burger king and dominion.
so i got a interview for jacob, but it's sooo far away tho, so much easier just to work at dominion.. but i guess... i will choose jacob.. so i can totally cure my clothing addictiveness.. u won't see me at jacob on my freetime no more! that is if i can get the job first... i don't like interviews.. not too scared tho
anywayz.. God! I guess i should really be grateful that i am offered a job at all i mean...i like to take things for granted. so hmm... u know what? i am gonna give up all my worries.. lay them all under ur feet, u take care of them... and i can find rest... hopefully work and school and church won't kill me. well... i definitely need ur grace next yr... so many changes... headache back again...
ok... do not worry about tomorrow!...
ok i will stop... rite now! .. i mean it!! no more worrying!=D

finally finished the poem metamorphosis... it isn't that great, but the third line came not through my self. I just somehow spoke it out of nowhere, prolly insight from God.. i donno.... I didn't want to write it, cuz metamorphosis sounds like the caterpillar did all the struggles, but in relation to my faith, it's God who did all the job.

Metamorphosis
You breathed into dust and made life.
You died for this caterpillar and made it free.
You gave meaning to this butterfly and made it fly.
You took this heart of stone and made it Yours.

oh God, I still want to be that lil girl playing with worms and get myself lost in my books.I would love to laugh nonstop with my cousin about nothing, and make fun of my grandpa's accent. I would love to go outside on a summer evening and sit with my relatives to get some cool air. I want to be a lil girl again, who doesn't have to think about how to pay for unis or which career to choose.
Sign...I really don't wanna be 18, ironically I've been waiting for this age for so long, now i don'twant it anymore.
this is so weird.
anyway, God pick up this wretched life, and make something out of it. Help me to be a clay that obeys the potter completely.