ok! hmmm... where to start, cuz a lot of stuff happened these days! Let me start with last nite, I was on the verge of a nervous break down last nite. I mean 2 tests on the same day isn't that bad, but Geo and Calc just make me wanna puke! So.... the most natural thing I happened, I worried. I worried to the point when my body wanted to sleep, but my mind just kept on poping what-ifs. hahaha I was solving a geometry question in my mind and listening to my CD player, when I finally dozed off. That was prolly around 2 or 3 in the morning.
That was the angry, spoiled, ungrateful, braddy and whiney version of Carol. Seriously, don't mind her! (But I want to whine!) There she goes again, but if I think it through again about last nite and today. God was there, and he was not only there to walk me through my "big obstacles" (which weren't that big), he carried me through. Thanx Edith for your encouragement: "God promised a safe landing, not a calm passage." When my mom came back from work, her words finally put me to sleep, because she said God knows how much effort I am putting in school and how hard I am working. Romans 8:28 plus apple juice and cholocate chipped cookies kept me awake during the day. Calculus test was not that hard, I wish that I did well on it. But Geometry was another different story. I barely finished the last two questions, hopefully the teacher will not be so hard on marking.
Oh guess what? I got to be a math tutor/super nerd. It really isn't a big deal, since almost everyone who applied got in. I feel like the most precious thing for me is time, and I barely get to spend any time to chill with friends or hang with parents. Why did I waste so much time during the summer? Which I can trade some "time" with the past hehe. I don't even have more than 5 minutes to spare on the fone with mom or online with friends. It's just the books, me and my slow and confused brain that is working over-time. I think I should find a balance between school and spending time with people. I mean a smile on the face wouldn't waste anytime, but man! sometimes, it really hurts to smile in school. The smell of the building gives me headaches. (Here she goes again!) I should still be patience and kind to people even tho my schedule is killing my back and my neck. (for the last time! carol! stop whining!) I mean at the end of my life, what matter the most are family, friends, not marks, and certainly not that stupid geometry question that I did wrong! (ok, u can whine a bit about the test, it was hard.)
Ok, where was I? Oh yeah.. PA day tomorrow. I get to catch my breath, and get some rest before the next challenge comes along. And in the mean time, God still loves me, no matter how angry, spoiled, ungrateful, braddy and whiney I sometimes can be. His love covers them. Drinking from Your well, Lord is certainly refreshing! I am gonna go catch up with my sleep now, and stop trying to solve geo questions in my head!

"... my power is made perfect in weakness."
- 2 Corinthians 12:8

Wow.. i actually have time to blog something. Although school is stressful, but then again it's challenging and fun. My life would be so meaningless without school, because busyness keeps me sane and drives me insane from time to time. When I signed up for math tutor (ahhaha tutors have to wear a tag that says "i am a math tutor", more like 'i am a super nerd 8-)". I thought this is a piece of cake, because not a lot of people on the list are "smart" (hopefully no one who signed up is reading this heheh). Then, guess what? God hit me on the head with a warning during geometry test, because I screwed up one question. My self-esteem basically went from the tip of the Alpine Mountain to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. It went from too much confidence to too litte (just in case some ppl don't understand my mountain metaphor. =P). I did an attitude check and realize that only when I am weak, my head is low enough to bow to God and ask for help. Today, I did my interview, and it went pretty well. As I walked out the room head tilted high, I remembered God's warning. Then my heart was no longer filled with pride but with gratitude, because I know God was with me and He will always be. I am not sure if I actually got the position tho. Just too many rejections from interview, like the prefects one. I guess I should thank God, because He knew that this year is too stressful for me to lead in prefects. Isn't it great to know that God never interviewed us when He accepted us. With His high standard, He prolly wouldn't even look at my resume, and yet He died for me even before I ask for the position to be His child. Heheh something to think about. When I get all the rejections I can take from the world, I gotta remember that I will never get one from God. For that I am thankful!

A Love Worth Giving

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
- 1 John 4:9-12

As the school load increase, I will have less time to spend on my blog, I hope I will have more time alone with God. I just got a new book by Max Lucado, "A Love Worth Giving". I am going to read it slow this time and savor it! The first chapter already opened up the eyes of my heart and brought back a moment in the past (not long ago tho, I sound so old lol!). I was working at dominion and from the corner of my eyes I caught a glimpse of my dad staring at me. There was so much love in his eyes that it startled me, because he never shows it. I was at the same time scared that I will never be able to return that love. It reminds me of God's unconditional love, his unfailing promise for an unworthy sinner like me. Sometimes, I am scared to look at the cross too, because I am certain that I cannot return that kind of love. Then it hits me; God wants me to share his love with others. Lucado says, "The secret of loving is living loved." We try so hard to love others, but we are missing a step: to be first loved by God. "Many people tell us to love. Only God gives us the power to do so."
I would love to say that I love the people around me with patience and kindness, but God and I both know that it is a complete lie. However, I am learning to love others just as God first loved me. And in the process of this struggle, I stare at the cross with tears in my eyes.

A great God

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
-2 Corinthians 12:9
The first week of school has been exhausted and I regret about longing for school to start during the summer. The courses I am taking in the first semester are not exactly my favourite courses, so I am having a hard time to love what I learn. We had a prayer meeting during lunch time, today. And it was refreshing, because it really helped me to keep focus on the cross, on the great God who is way greater than the obstacles before me. Whoever heared about my crazy schedule warned me that I should change the courses or that I am psycho. I guess God wants me to totally rely on Him instead of my own intelligent or even diligent efforts. This school year will really expose my weakness, but I will try me best to give it all to Him.
I am also very grateful that God listened to my prayer about the school fellowship, because Kenny and Byron actually talked to Mr. Croswell and we are going to have a meeting next Wednesday. I don't really except a grand and great fellowship in Bayview, but I do pray that God's presence will be with us even in school and we will truly live out His glorious name.

at the beginning of the race

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
- Acts 20:24

I feel like standing at the beginning line of a race, and I am both excited and nervous. The only thing I will remember about last year of high school will probably be endless assignments and tests. Yet despite all the school work I will need to do, I see another race: a spiritual one filled with brothers and sisters. I am certain there will be hardship, but with God's grace and all the support I've got, I am sure I will be just alright. Plus this year will only be a little segment of the huge marathon that God planned for me in advance.

Something funny to say, cuz I sound too serious on my blog: I broke my glasses today hahhahhahhahhahaha. I broke my sunglasses, my NEW guitar string and my glasses.. wow I am really look at breaking stuff I suppose.
WARNING: never give anything delicate to Carol!