i've been keeping this in for too long, prolly cuz i don't even know what was bothering me so much.... couldn't put my finger on it
well... i guess thanx to my manger who was so mean to me on the fone, i finally let it all out
it was one of those sobbing that can't stop no matter how hard i try...

u know God, u never asked me if i wanted to move to Canada, where is the freewill in that?
i had to walk into a room full of 7th graders, most of them made fun of ppl for a living, esp an esl liked me
i didn't exactly enjoyed been cornered in the girls washroom, and sit alone in the caf

well the point is that i don't want change, don't want to go to uni...don't want to grow up, be responsible, mature. maybe i didn't know back then as a 12 year old in china, but i know now... i wasn't ready for all the changes following a 20 hour plane ride
and either am i ready for this

road less travelled by
i'm trying to get my thoughts together... this is a too important summer to be missed. Yet, somehow i am numbed inside.. not feeling much. I've decide not to go down to the road ahead, in order to avoid worrying. Then i stopped looking back as well, cuz they bring back doubts that stop me from walking down the road. i've been told that life is bitter and tasted the bitterness myself, yet the ppl ahead still tell me that life will only get worse.

i pause a lil and keep on walking.. this time taking note of the flowers on the side walk, clouds in the sky. Things that would bring a smile to my face at downtown intersection that would make me look more like a fool than a dreamer. I would be the fool or the dreamer, if that is what it takes for me to break free of the trap of cynicism, doubt, disappointment. I am not in denial, only trying to catch the sparkle of paul's sacred joy at a prison cell.