God, how much more do u want to humble me? Isn't this enough? I can just hear His whispher: enough to make you realize that you are not in control of your life, and I am.

I am looking at the marks till my eyes become blurry and strained. God gentlely directs me to refocus my eyes on the cross. Oh... and if u just look a lil closer, u can almost see Jesus smile. A smile from His heart that can make the proud bow with grace, and the wise weep with joy. With all that pain, He could still smile for the curtain is ripped and the narrow gate is open for everyone. He knows what's ahead of all this turmoil, because everything is going to be okay one day in heaven. Life is still worth living, and love is still the greatest possession. Marks will not even come close to the heavenly things on that day.
God, I did my best... and that's all that matters...I excepted too much from myself... I had too much faith in my own ability instead of Urs. From now on, help me to take my eyes off the marks and move them to the cross. If I lingered longer there, I can almost see it, Jesus... He is smiling at ME!

I am half there w/ all the deadlines.... Something to blog about! Last nite or actually not only last nite... just these days.. i guess God put me w/ a group of ppl for the Hamlet project (well.. who are very.. hmmm...... swear a lot), and that really challenged me. I am just really not use to their way of life, and there are time I am about enjoy their dirty jokes. Part of me keeps on reminding myself to walk away. And it's hard to have pure thoughts w/ all that swearing, and no one seems to mind except me... sigh.. and I am getting use to listening to 3 swear words in one sentence.
What really became clear to me is that Christians or not.. we are all humans and we all sin. I may feel like I am higher than them, but the fact is I am not.. I am just as sinful as any sinners in God's eyes. "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one seeks God. All have turned away..." Romans 3:11,12. But it then says: "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."(Romans 3:22,23) I can truly see y some ppl don't want to know about God, because their guilt for their sins are keeping them away from true freedom thru Jesus. They don't think a just and all-knowing God would ever forgive their sins and still love them, but the truth is He does.. and He died on the cross to prove that. Jesus "chilled" w/ tax collectors and prostitute, because they repented their sins and acknowledged that they need God. On the other hand, the self-righteous Pharisees didn't think they needed God at all.
haha I got a lil carried away w/ all the Romans verses, but yeah... God is telling me to check within myself, and truly realize that only thru faith in Jesus that I am saved, not thru my own work. Maybe I don't swear, but there are frustrate times when swear words pop into my head, and I NEED JESUS. Everyone needs Him!

haha I was gonna blog about how busy I will be, and how bizarre my schedule is. Instead, I am not gonna worry this time. Let the peace of God calm my heart, and the grace of God overflow me! Really! If God's grace is sufficient for Paul, Job, and Joah, what makes me think that His grace will not be sufficient for me. Focus on the unconditional Love on the cross, imagine the holiness of heaven =D hahhaa things aren't that great on Earth, but I gotta heaven to look forward to! PLUS these marks will not matter much in this life time, don't even mention eternity. gotta work now w/ a joyful heart! oh and also... my geometry quiz, I did pretty well, and that's because of U God! Thanx for carrying me thru! Glory all to YA!!!! =D

Even tho thanksgiving was last week, but I have decided to thank God for all these amazing ppl He has placed in my life! Maybe when I get lonely in the future (uni prolly), I can look back on this blog, who knows! Yeah... I really wanna thank God for my school fellowship!!!!!!!! AMAZING! I really treasure all the friendships I have at Bayview, especially my bros and sis in Christ. Morning devos, prayer b4 tests, prayer walks, or just chilling! I am thankful for all those moments, which add a bit colour to my dull school life. My school fellowship is very speical to me, because I watched it start, and waited for it to grow and now taking charge to make it better for the glory of God. I just want to pray that God, Your Will be done in the fellowship, so we can really shine for U!

If I say that bayview is part of my life, then tm3c IS my life. haha! I guess the church watched me grow!!!! hahahaha So many important things happened after I started attending this church, especially my conversion and baptism. I see these ppl as my life-long friends, cuz they are church friends! We've been thru all these hardships of school and shared all those joyful times. We've walked each other thru these times in Christ! I am just soooo thankful for all these friends, so I can share my troubles and laughters! Friends are rare, and true friends are very rare. So thank you God!

My family! A smile on my face! yeah! My parents know EVERYTHING about me, yet they still love me. Pretty amazing! My friends don't really get to see the mad and grumpy me, but my parents watched me grow from a little baby. Maybe we don't show, but there are soo much love in this house! My advice to all those princesses at the balcony waiting for their princes: plz come into the house and love ur parents first! If u don't know how to love ur parents, how can u possibly love ur husband in the future? Well, I should learn that too!
I need to balance myself between God, family, friends, and school (they go in that order, although sometimes I put school first).
And now to the future! I can't wait for Uni!!!! and all the uni friends I will meet and share part of my life with! One thing I know for certain tho, God will go with me to places that friends can't, so I gotta fix my eyes on the cross!
heheh that is it for today!

feeling pretty down today... God... I am losing hope in geometry...feel so discouraged just looking at the binder, God. Don't think I can pull this one through, plz give me some encouragement.. so I can keep going.

It's too bad that I didn't blog anything during the thanksgiving, because I would have talked about something other than school.... hmmm.. :p
But..... *sigh* got my calc and geo marks back, well they are not bad really according to the general standard... Instead of leaning on my own understanding and knowledge, Lord. I will trust in U with all my heart. Help me to take my eyes off the marks, and refocus them on the cross, toward the heaven. Marks aren't everything, but they feel like everything to me now... Sacrifices and loses came with last week, but then I again I learned a lot during last week spirtually. I came to the realization that I am not in control of my life no matter how much I want to be. And hmmm... as the weeks go by, I will do my very best, and leave the marks up to You, Lord. I have to get up as soon as possible. Lord, will you carry me plz?

This Week
It could have been normal;
It could have been easier;
It could have been any other week;
It could have followed my schedule.
Yet! It couldn't have been part of Your plan;
It couldn't have dragged me down to the darkness valley and brought me up the highest mountain.

Lord! I thought U left me! For three sleepless nights, I truly thought U abandoned me! But the cross reminded me that U abandoned Jesus, so U don't have do that again to Your child. Lord! Thank you for the hardship, so I can come closer to U, and renew my faith. I have so little faith in U, Lord, help me to light the fire again! And in the midst of it all, U never changed! Lord, thank you and I love you, too!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about everything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 4:4-7
Is this month suppose to be a stress month or something? Everyone around me seemed to be in a middle of a nervous break down! I mean everyone! No one is got the peace of God that Paul was speaking of.... the printer's sound is driving me crazy! Why can't my dad stop printing!!!!
Breathe! oh ok I am okay now! I am so edgy these days. The tiniest thing can jump me, and that goes to everyone around me. Everyone (or feels like it) is neither too busy or too indifferent to care. I should be doing my math hwk, but I just want to calm my heart first. Just turned to the parable of the lost son, and I wondered what happened to him after his father forgave him. Is he grateful to be even be with the father, or he went back to his old habbits? What about me? I am suppose to be rejoicing! But my heart does not have enough room for joy. The stress and worry crowd the joy out. Shouldn't I be like the lost son happy to be even accepted by the Father? I am so lost, so confused about the future... uncertain what's next after school, after university? What should I do for the rest of my life?
Lord, comfort me! No one else can! Everyone needs Your comfort! What should a forgiven son behave like? Grateful or fretful? yeah I thought too. Especially when I am forgiven by the God! Shouldn't I be grateful! Shouldn't my heart be filled with joy! =) Next morning, when ppl ask me "how are u". Instead of the usual complain, I should say ...hmmmm.... "The great Creator calls me His own, isn't that great?" (I won't acutally say that, but my heart should!)
Lord! I am still scared, afraid, lost, lonely, and above all stressed out! Will You come to my heart, and fill it with joy! Renew my faith in Your, Lord, because after all I may not know where I will end up after university. BUT one thing I do know is that I will be with you forever, enjoy eternity! Until then.... things aren't that great, but U will always be with me!

BUSY! Yep that's the best word to describe me rite now... no word better than that one!!!!!!! Need to get away from Oedipus' Tragedy, ewww the guy's got serious problems: married his mother and killed his father. That really brings up the point about Predestination vs. Freewill. I talked about that with Grace during sunday school. We have freewill but at the same time all of our days are recorded in God's book... hmmm.....The idea is hard to comprehend, but then again God is outside of our knowledge.
hahahah.... That makes me more stressed about tomorrow's test! In the midst of all this busyness, I really feel like I can't breathe anymore! (figuratively speaking of course =p) I am stressed about: tests, quizes, hwk, scholarship, uni,and yeah! school fellowship! People are too busy to make an effort, and the fellowship is dying off. Lord, You have Your loving eyes on us, so light the fire again, cuz we really need U above everything else, we need you. We may not have Mr.Croswell to supervise us after school and a place to stay or Principle's consent, BUT we have you. After all the rejections we can take... it's nice to know we won't get one from U, for that I am grateful! I need to P.U.S.H.. too lazy and forget about praying for ppl and things such as school fellowship... *sigh*
My heart is only so big to carry all the burdens, so y not throw them away so I can enjoy Ur Love, Lord. The sun in the morning, a smile on friend's face, a "thank-you", and Your prefect love on the cross. They exceed all the "troubles" in my life. I can't really call them troubles, because they are part of life, part of the process of making something out of this dumb clay, Potter! hehehe No hard times, I can't even appreciate the good things, rite God =P gtg back to hwk..... calc and algeo..... Lord, Help me to love what I learn, plz! Thank you!
The fone shoud really stop ringing rite now! It's driving me nuts! I wish I can be disconnected from the world! ( a bit too harsh)