"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed." - Romans 8:18,19

Jesus said, "In that day, you will ask me nothing"

I am just in a really ungrateful and depressed mood rite now, i prolly should blame the rain, but i donno... well the hardest thing to do rite now is to rejoice, yet paul said "rejoice always"
I got an evolution quiz later, so should get studying.. but just don't feel like doing anything.... arrrrghhhh :(
"The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway

I like jars of clay, even tho their music is not that good.. but lyrics are really cool! =D
The ice is thin enough for walkin'
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin'
The world is crumbing' but I know why

The strom is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body is frail enough for fighting
I'm home enough to know i'm lost

Faith is just enough to be strong in the broken places

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I'm blind

ok.. it is the rain i think.... =D happy face ...wow. that actually hurts =(

hmm.. breaking news carol: the world does not rotate around u, i repeat....
not to us, but to UR NAME BE ALL THE GLORY!
born in a Me generation, an only child may all be good excuses for my selfishness, self-conscious. but U can't dwell in my heart, and be God, when i am always thinking about myself.
U see, this selfishness thing is like saturated in my mind, and carry out in my actions. All of my sins spring from selfishness, and God, I can't help myself. so, can U help me out here b4 i sink too deep. I want to love you with all of my heart, I want to sincerely want you! fill me up with ur living water, cuz it's gonna take a life time to cleanse all my sins.
Let's do this one step at a time, first off... glory all to U, God!

TC is over now! wow...hmmm i guess i gotta say that i didn't prepare it well b4 hand. One thing i am happy to say is that i truly opened up to my team about myself.. and forgot about my own image for a moment (hope i can do that all the time). It's a total surprise to me the things i shared to them about: things in my childhood that i didn't even tell my church friends about. well.. i guess it's less pressure cuz they don't know me that well. i donno this was the last blog i wrote but didn't post, which led me to share about the following things:
hey God... just wanna go back into memory for a moment... do u remember when i was a lil girl? of course u do. =D i used to be so shy and scared of everything... i seemed so worthless to myself... my grandma used to bring me to her friends and say that i am the ugliest kid in the family rite in front of me. not for jokes, she's got the sharpest tongue but a good heart too... hehehe.. and i wished to wake up looking pretty the next day.. cuz no one really noticed me... and that my whole family expected a boy and even my mom wanted a boy. hey, i can't help it! (my dad wished for a girl, and i think deep inside I love my dad more, even tho we don't get along all the time)

and for 5 years in primary school.. i sat with the smartest kid in the whole class.. and everytime he did something wrong.. the teacher would blame it on me.... i used to be so scare to talk to ppl... everytime i go to my building.. i would wait for all the ppl to leave .. and walk in, so i didn't have to say hi to anyone. it was like i was invisible to everyone...

books were the only place that i could escape, the only place that i can be the main character... i don't know y everything changed so much for me now... I used to blush everytime i talked to a stranger
haha.. and then there was the hardest year when i first came to canada.. i changed from the invisible to the outcast... =) wow....i don't know y i am opening up old wounds now
I was worthless to myself, but U shine ur smile upon this caterpillar, so it can have the courage to turn into a butterfly.

hmm.. i wanted to write a poem titled Metamorphosis.. and then TC sermon had the exact same title.. i guess it's sign from U, eh God?... too much math last semester.. i just can't seem to write a poem anymore. I will working it tho.
but anywayz.. that wasn't the end of my sharing of course... i don't want ppl to pity me. I am grateful for all the lil stories in my childhood, more good than bad of course =D
b4 I wanted to ask U, what's the point of creating me God? I didn't think i am useful at all.. it mite just all be a mistake... maybe one of ur angels fell asleep or something But when i read the passage when jesus was baptized, and U said " You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." Somehow, you were speaking to me b/c I am cleansed by His blood. and God.. this caterpiller is worth some thing to u i guess, cuz u were willing to die for me on the cross.
Looking back, I've came a long way to where I am now. I can't imagine going through those times w/o you God, cuz u just showered me with countless blessings.
I am shocking up with tears of joy ='D

jay chow's song is too sad... a lil annoying listening to it longer than 10 min =D
i'm wondering if we are making too much a deal out of boy-girl relationship, it's only one of the many great relationships U've created. one friend got dump again i think.. and another was crying b/c a song =P
In history
Kings abandoned throne, friends became enemies.
Great poetry and classic novels devote themselves to only one theme.
Romeo and juliet both died.. hahah..i thought that was funny.
anywayz.. i am gonna go back to queen's application.. so long arrghhh... God, comfort those broken hearts, sometimes i wonder how can something so pure and lovely between Adam and Eve do so much damage with the aid of sin. Then again who is to say that pain is not good. If we just put less focus on relationship, then bitter can become sweet =D
haha too much jay chow!!!!=D i am still happy =D
press stop!!!!! all of his song are about getting dump blah!

It's gonna be march break soon, and then TC!! yah!!! me a captain? jokes... me leading the school fellowship jokes... I've always saw myself as the lil girl who follows everybody around, not a leader material. I guess circumstances put me here. I am gonna be 18 soon? jokes... man i never thought i would ever turn 18. Everything in my life is changing now for the better i suppose, lead me through. I would love to be 12 forever, but nah gotta be an adult.
Tomorrow is school fellowship, and i am gonna use one of the TC devos hehe. it's all good. God, i am gonna give up with all the complaining, and just wanna praise you! You actually blessed us with a fellowship, with so many bros and sis in Christ at school, just the thought that i am not alone makes feel much better.
It has been a very long time since I doubted you God. Don't mean to be prideful or anything i am just so happy that faith comes to me like breathing now. All the heavens shout out your name, how can i miss it? With all the evolution and atheism going on basically in all my classes except chem, I still believe in You. It's like choosing to put my faith in science that is always changing or God. I'd choose U anyday. Sometimes, I wish you would leave us with more than just the bible, then again if some secrets are not meant for us to know, I will just contently trust.
wow, i should wear glasses all the time, cuz the screen is so much clearer. =D
p.s. sometimes i wonder what i would be like w/o you, God. and that thought makes me shadder. Thank You for coming into my life.

Don't mind me being frank, God, but U ask a lot from us.. then again U gave a lot more than we can ever repay... but U ask a lot too.. from Abraham u asked for issac..man that was some test.. a good one too.. but a hard one to past...i guess from that story i learned a lot about myself .. cuz these past few months.. mainly last semester... u asked me for my "issac" too, meaning school, marks, future, my dream.. all the things that I hold so dear to me.. u ask me to give them up, so i can truly enjoy all of God. maybe i didn't know it, but those things were taking place higher than God in my heart, and I had to lose my life in order to gain it again.

"blessed are the poor", maybe there is a different way of looking at poor, after almost sacrificing Issac, Abraham was "poor" materially, Job was "poor" materially at the end too. They have material possessions, but at the same time they possess nothing but God. They realized that nothing acutally belong to them. It's interesting tho to look at the "Lord of rings", where ppl just want to own the ring. In reality, nothing belongs to me, all that i have is lent to me by God. If u wanna snap ur finger, I can lose them all. What's the point of holding on to something that aren't even gonna last as long as I do. C.s. Lewis said " a man who has God and everything else have no more than a man who has only God." It's not that i shouldn't love other ppl or enjoy life, but they can only be below you, God. Seek first the kingdom of God, and everything else.. doesn't matter about everything else anymore when I already have the Marker of everything else =D
As I deer.. so my soul longs for You!