after all the mess.. and going crazy i think i have high blood pressure due to stress response lol... well at least it's short term...
peace... peace...
I don't know y.. but there is always part of me that doubts, worries
I am shocked at how cynical i can be deep down inside... not that i pretend to laugh tho...just when i am w/ friends i kinda go into the 12 year-old mode.. at least that's what ppl perceived me to be like

just this sun during service, somehow I got so annoyed by all the thanksgiving songs.. and the whole time i was troubled, which is the worse attitude during worship.. and i wanted to walk away cuz i know my heart was not real, so what's the point of singing all those happy songs, when i don't believe them w/ my heart and soul

i think if i keep on going w/ all the examples.. i can lose the peace again... sometimes i just wanna scream for no reason... is it cuz i gotta too much glucose in my blood.. (bio test is getting under my skin now)
pissed off mode: mad at anyone but no one, pissed at anything but nothing... that doesn't help

the truth is my heart at those moments chose to ignore the blessings.. the obvious blessings that just shout out in my life: God's unfailing love, His sufficient grace, family, all the friendships i have
if i want to my brain can trick me to believe that i don't even exist along w/ all the blessings i have in this life.. and the purpose of my life: to love and worship HIm

getting ticked off when the phone rings.. and when ppl msg me to ask for help... i can't even keep myself calm sometimes.. sometimes i just need to disconnect from the outside world for a while and seek solitude time.. cuz i can get a bit crazy under stress (understatement lol)